One More Goodbye
by ShiaraS46
Summary: When I was a little girl, I used to read all these fairytales and watch every Disney movie that came out. I loved all of it. It made me believe that everything would be okay if you were in love. But none of it was true. Because if it was true, I'd be able to tell him the words I knew he wanted to hear. Inspired by Sam Smith's Too Good at Goodbyes


When I was a little girl, I used to read all these fairytales and watch every Disney movie that came out. I loved all of it. I mean, who doesn't love Disney?

It made me believe that everything would be okay if you were in love.

That the only thing that mattered was love.

That love was the most powerful thing in the world.

That it could overcome all obstacles.

I always felt so excited every time the Prince would find the Princess. When they would run into each other's arms and dance until their feet ached.

All those stories ended in happily ever after.

It always came after the first kiss.

After the couple professed their love for each other.

After the evil was vanquished.

After the spell was broken.

It always told me that a couple in love was stronger than any enemy and more powerful than any spell.

But none of it was true. It was just a stupid fairytale for little girls.

Because if it was true, I would be carrying his name with his ring on my finger.

If it was true, we wouldn't have to hide like outlaws, afraid to even look at each other from across the room in case someone saw.

If it was true, I wouldn't have broken his heart the first time we were together.

If it was true, I wouldn't be sitting with him in _our_ café waiting for the right moment to break his heart again.

If love was enough, I'd be able to tell him the words I knew he wanted to hear.

I kept stalling for as long as I could because no matter how many times I do this, a part of me still dies each time I look into his beautiful eyes and say the words I know will take the light from them.

But now, the plate was cleared, the tea was gone, and we only had twenty minutes until I had to go meet up with Ginny and Luna.

"Draco I — "

"Don't." A look of pain crossed his features and I knew he knew what I was going to say.

"What is it this time? Huh?" He said, "Is the Prophet running another expose on branded death eaters? Is Potterette popping out another kid? Are you up for another promotion? Tell me what new excuse you have for me this time!"

I was wrong, he wouldn't be broken by what I had to say. I broke him a long time ago. I hurt him one too many times and now he's more angry than hurt.

"I just…"

"Twelve times Hermione!" He said closing his eyes, refusing to even look at me. "Twelve times we've been here. For the past three years it's been like this and like the fool I am, I keep telling myself it was worth it to get just a few moments with you no matter how fleeting. No matter how much it hurt watching you walk away again and again. I kept telling myself to just hold on because maybe one day, you'll decide to stay. Maybe one day you'll decide I'm worth it."

It hurt. Merlin it hurt so bad to hear him say all of these things. To know just how much pain I've caused him by being too much of a coward.

"But I don't think I can do this anymore. If we keep going on like this, I'll end up resenting you and I don't want that to happen."

He ran his hands through his hair and looked as if he was contemplating something. I wanted so badly to reach out and hold his hand. To tell him how sorry I was for doing this to him. But I didn't because I wasn't sure it would be welcome.

Finally, he sighed and pulled something out of his pocket.

He placed it on the table and pushed it closer to me.

"I had this made for you about a week ago," He said though he still refused to look at me and instead looked at the muggles walking on the street.

"Technically I had it designed five months ago, you remember that. You dumped me two days later because you saw me coming out of the jewelers. But it was only last week that I told the man to finally make the ring."

My breath caught in my throat as I looked at the small velvet box on the table. I remembered freaking out five months ago when I saw him looking at rings, remembered thinking that it would never do, remembered sending him an owl two days later saying how I thought it best that we stop seeing each other because I was so busy with work.

I looked at the heartbroken man in front of me, despair and guilt churning in my stomach and making me feel worse than I already was.

As if sensing my anguish, Draco looked at me.

"This is the last time Hermione. If you say it's over then it's over. We can't get back together again in a couple of months because I honestly don't know how I'll be able to keep what little pride I have left if we do this for longer than we already have. So don't say anything, at least not yet."

He took a deep breath and I knew whatever he said next would determine what happens with us.

"This ring is yours, no matter what happens. It was made for you and you alone, even if you choose to leave and tell me never to see you again, you can keep the ring as something to remember me by. But if you decide to keep me, to risk all the rumors and judgment enough to show the world how you really feel about me, then take this as my proposal. I know this is not the right way to do this and more than anything I wish I could give you a proper one. But if we're going to do this, I need some reassurance. I need to know that you won't walk away at the first sign of trouble. I need to know that you feel as deeply for me as I do for you. I need to know you won't leave again because the next time you do, I don't think my heart could break anymore."

I could hear the desperation in his voice as he practically begged me to stay, to take his ring and promise him a lifetime of love that didn't have to be hidden away like some dirty secret. When I was thirteen I would have thought that hearing him beg would be amusing, but now all it did was crush my already breaking heart and drown me in guilt.

"Three days from now I'm supposed to go to France to secure a business deal." He said, "If you haven't come to me by then, I will assume that you no longer want to continue this relationship and I will begin plans to move to France."

"What?" He was moving?

"Hermione – I don't know how to spend the rest of my life looking at you across the hall and trying not to hug you or kiss you or hold your hand. I don't know how to keep myself from continuing to hope that we could be something when I know you want other things. I – I'm selfish enough to want a fresh start if you end things and I can't do that if I still see you every day. It would kill me."

With a deep sigh, Draco bid me goodbye and walked away from the café leaving me to think about his ultimatum.

He was leaving.

In three days he would be leaving and I would never see him again.

In three days I could lose him forever.

Just the very thought of going weeks without seeing him was torture. Even on those days when we weren't together, I still got to see him in the Ministry or in Diagon Alley every once in a while.

But this time he would be in France.

He would be thousands of miles away, an entire ocean separating us.

I sat there staring at the ring for so long that I ended up missing my appointment with Ginny and Luna.

I didn't know what to do. I loved him, I knew that. I've known for months that I had fallen deeply in love with Draco Malfoy but I never acknowledged it because I was scared.

At first, I decided to keep our relationship a secret because when it first started, it hasn't been that long since the war ended and it felt like an insult to the grieving families for me to be openly happy with someone they considered an enemy. Then it was because I wasn't sure of his intentions if he was actually serious about me.

But even after he proved to me that he really cared about me, I still never found the right time to tell people because things kept popping up to keep me from doing so. And every time those things came up, I would feel guilty about my relationship with him and break it off before coming back to him two months later. I knew it was wrong, that I was being a coward but I always thought he was okay with our arrangement. After all, he had a reputation to uphold and his mother would hardly approve of him being with the muggleborn witch responsible for the incarceration of her husband.

I thought he understood that we needed to be a secret because so many people wouldn't understand, old wounds would be ripped open, and I would lose the only family I had left.

Maybe he did at first, but over the last two years, I've seen him change. He set up various charities, helped several businesses get back on their feet, he even paid for the medical care of all the long term patients at St. Mungo's especially the children! The whole country was in shock over his actions and several of them thought he was just buying his way back into respectability, but I knew even if I never acknowledged it, I knew there was more to his motives than just penance, he was also doing those things for me. Because he knew that if he could get the forgiveness of the Wizarding World, it would make it easier for me to commit to our relationship.

But I couldn't do it. Because no matter how much he's given to the Wizarding World, Harry, Ron, and Molly still refused to believe he could be anything but the Mark on his arm. No matter what he did or what I said to convince them otherwise, they just continued to hate him. I knew their hatred was mostly because of grief, they lost a lot of people in the war and they hold him accountable for every death. After a while, I just stopped pushing the issue and contented myself with having both my surrogate family and Draco in my life.

Now, I have no choice. I have to decide if I could risk losing the family that took me in, that made me part of their home, the family that comforted me when I couldn't restore my parents' memories. I have to decide if I was willing to lose my spot on the Weasley dining table, to not see my name on a present under their Christmas tree, to not get a Weasley sweater ever again.

Could I risk all of that for one man?

The man who saw me when I was trying to be invisible. Who made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Who held me at night and sang to me when the nightmares would be too much. The man who hired a private investigator to watch over my parents in Australia and make sure they were alright. The man who managed to break through my walls and give me the love I've only ever read about.

Was that one man worth all the trouble?

I looked at the ring one more time and with one last deep breath, my decision was made.

**END**


End file.
